I'm sorry about those 8 years.

And although there is no excuses, I was not well then. I was sick, I was delusional, I thought I could find G*d through the sensual, sexual. I thought I needed darknes.
I was mostly hypomanic, on occasion full blown mania-

it was real, but it wasn't valid.

now, i'm happy- not that dark heaven elixir type of drunken ecstasy, just this simple lithium induced happiness that i wouldn't trade in for the world.

I'm sorry. Now, from this truth, that finally distance and medication did provide- I'm deeply, truly sorry.